12 Things I Learned When I Turned 30
Teach yourself the ropes of your own life and live it. Boldly.
Richard Brautigan once wrote this haiku:
Karma Repair Kit: Items 1–4
- Get enough food to eat, and eat it.
- Find a place to sleep where it is quiet, and sleep there.
- Reduce intellectual and emotional noise until you arrive at the silence of yourself, and listen to it.
- -
Eliminating noise sounds so enticing in this fast-paced world of constant commotion. There are always things to be done, to be achieved. But how difficult is it to live simply in an over-complicated world?
The poem has been one of my favourites for years and I always wished to live by it — to enter this loop where there are no excessive material needs, where you can just live in the present without permanently seeking, where simply being yourself is good enough, where nothing and no one holds you back from being yourself and following your dreams.
But the amount of work that has to be put in this process is incredibly arduous and even to get started on this path, you have to rewire yourself completely.
This is why I am most thankful for the past year. The year that I turned 30 — although terrifying to many — proved to be the year that changed me and defined me the most.
These are some of the things that helped me eliminate the unnecessary noise and arrive at the best version of myself so far:
- My idea of success is different than my family’s and peers’ — and that’s absolutely okay
There is a thing called “free will” and that means you are a capable adult, who can build a life for yourself without following trends and other people’s ideas. Live boldly, but genuinely.
2. Self-pity is overrated; if you don’t like something about your life, take action and change it
Stop blaming the moon, the universe and Vladimir Putin for your misfortunes, and instead of being a crybaby that this or that is not good enough, take the matter into your hands and change it. Find what drives you and tap on that. Nothing will ever be 100% perfect in our lives, but there are aspects of it we can excel at and enjoy genuinely.
3 Simply choose to let go
I won’t bring my heavy baggage into the present and dwell on what I could’ve done better. I choose not to have regrets and what I did wrong in the past does not define me. I learn from my mistakes and put to good use the lessons from all the lows I experienced.
4. Spend time focusing on your mental and physical health
When you’re really young and all over the place, mental hygiene is something synonymous with outer space, but as you start growing up, you realize that your mind is your highest asset, so taking care of it is crucial.
My own example is learning how to meditate and slow down my thoughts, but it can be as simple as taking a daily walk to recharge and reset or setting up time aside for yourself.
On the other hand, being in physical shape does not only contribute directly to your mental health and confidence boost, but also generates a routine centered on discipline.
In Damon Young’s (The School of Life) book “How to Think About Exercise”, the author highlights that “it can often seem like existence is split in two: body and mind, flesh and spirit, moving and thinking. In the office or at study we are ‘mind workers’, with superfluous bodies. In the gym we stretch, run and lift, but our minds are idle.
By exercising intelligently, we are committing to wholeness: enjoying and enhancing our full humanity.”
5. Loving unconditionally
Just love wholeheartedly, without expecting anything in return. You’ll probably be rewarded with the most amazing feelings ever.
6. Trying to be mindful about each action taken
How many times have you found yourself being engaged in something while thinking/worrying about another million things? Start being more present and aware of what’s happening here and now; you can’t control the future, but you can control how you engage with everyday tasks and people.
Time is precious and so are the people you choose to spend it with, so give them your full attention.
Just as Andy Puddicombe of Headspace notes, “most people assume that meditation is all about stopping thoughts, getting rid of emotions, somehow controlling the mind,” Puddicombe explains, “But actually it’s about stepping back, seeing the thought clearly, witnessing it coming and going.”
7. Urging yourself to learn something new each day
Read, listen, watch, capture new things with your eyes. You are your only limitation. The world is bountiful in new experiences and lessons every second so dig into it, be curious about it.
8. Reflecting on a few things that you are grateful for every day
There’s a beautiful quote by Annie Dillard, which reads “how we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”
This is great because it conveys a picture of how you should push yourself to live everyday life.
While there are many challenges to face in this day and age, it doesn’t mean you have to wallow in your own sorrows every second. There are plenty of things to be genuinely happy about even if you don’t see them immediately.
Find some time to verbalize or write down a few things that you are grateful about to kick off your day on a positive note.
9. Letting go of the old script and not feeling guilty about it feels pretty damn good
As modern philosopher Alain de Botton says, “we owe our parents respect and kindness. We do not owe them our lives. We should dare, when the pressure has become unbearable, to leave their script aside.”
Dare to be yourself, to speak for yourself. Pursuing a different path in life other than what your family expects you to, doesn’t make you the big bad wolf or prone to failure.
We are all unique beings, with unique feelings, thoughts and dreams, so it’s totally fine to start afresh and write your own story on a blank canvas other than filling in the gaps of other people.
10. Showing kindness to yourself is just as important as showing kindness to your peers
Don’t be so harsh on yourself; let yourself try, fail and stand up and do it all over again, without thinking you are not capable or don’t deserve things in life.
Whilst self-improvement through persistence is a great quality to have, it’s also okay to admit you are human hence prone to mistakes. Learn from your mistakes at the best of your ability and give yourself a break once in a while.
11. There should be a good balance between going with the flow and being accountable for your own future
Being spontaneous is great and for so many years of my life, I’ve lived on the edge, without ever considering my future. Continue to be adventurous and live a life full of zest even if you are old, but do keep in mind that a safety net can also help reduce stress. Be present, slow down, live mindfully, but don’t forget to progress in life by setting up goals for yourself.
12. You can be your own hero
Whilst finding role models is incredibly helpful into getting insight about who you are, or simply becoming inspired on certain aspects about life, I do believe that the primary motivator of your own life is you. Teach yourself the ropes of your own life and live it.
